A place for degenerates to shoot shit about their favorite hobby
 
HomeHomepageFAQSearchMemberlistRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
CptnShotgun
Eezo junkie
avatar

Posts : 2381
Points : 2486
Reputation : 7
Join date : 2010-03-19
Location : Cyborg Docking Station 4

PostSubject: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:54 pm

The Microsoft conference at E3 just finished and holy shit, it was the biggest pile of shit I have ever seen. Watching a quadruple amputee trying to open a packet of crisps would have been more video games related than that horrific monstrosity. 90% of the conference was bullshitting about how fucking great this new smart glass shit was and how you can use your tablet while you're watching films, which no-one but pretentious hipster twats who have to look at IMBD will ever use. Everything was based around the shitfest that was Kinect, they even got fucking Nike involved to spout shit about "Nike points" and how everyone with a body was an athlete that didn't even fucking tie-in with a video game. Ten minutes of talking shit about fitness and there wasn't even a fucking game involved.

Then the fucking "Xbox Music" shit came on (which is the most fucking creatively named thing in the history of anything ever, if I took a shot every time they fucking said "Xbox" I'd be more hammered than a Thai hooker during a stag-do). Usher did a fucking concert on stage and his imitation of a cat trying to shit out of a sewn-up arse was incredible and he danced like he was having a seizure, which was probably brought on by all the flashy hipster shit that had no fucking relevance to anything ever. One fat fuck even came on the stage and said "imagine living without your smartphone" as if it was a fucking necessity. I would gladly live without a smartphone if I could bury it into that twat's skull. Not only that, but the only video-game related shit in the whole conference was complete and utter bollocks: Halo 4 might as well be called An Ancient Evil Awakens: Bionicle Hunting; The new Lara Croft game was fucking quick-time events out the fucking arse coupled with ridiculous on rails scenes and more CoD-audience pandering than fucking Battleshit 3; Splinter Cell is now a TACTICOOL 3rd person action game with no fucking stealth and enough fucking explosions to give a blind person epilepsy; The Forza trailer was uninteresting as fuck and the wubstep just made me want to vomit and Cockadoody: Black Cocks looks like Michael Bay shat on a screen made of cliches and bollocks. Not forgetting the fucking 3D angry birds rip-off that, of course, uses Kinect and the whole "INTERNET EXPLORER ON UR XBOX LOLOLOLOL XDXDXDXDXD TUMBLR AND REDDIT KOOL SITES XD" and a fucking whole ten minutes of pandering to fucking Spaniards and Fable turning into a fucking on rails shooter (using Kinect, of course).

The only decent part of it was when the South Park creators ripped into Microsoft during their own conference for being so shit.

TL;DR:

YOU GUYS LIEK DANCING AND BEING FIT RIGHT!?
MOOSIK
NOGAEMS
AN ANCIENT EVIL AWAKENS
PRESS X NOT TO DIE
BROWN AND BLOOM
LE REDDIT XD
ESPANOL? HUE HUE HUE
PRE-RENDERED CUTSCENES
SUPERHUMAN LARA, FALLS OFF WATERFALLS AND USES MAGIC FIRE ARROWS
BLACK COCKS 2 LOOKS SHIT, FEMALE PRESIDENT, EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE

I have broken the quantum rage barrier. If you concentrated all the energy the sun has ever released into one single moment, it would be approximate to the rage I feel.
Back to top Go down
Fido
emo
avatar

Posts : 5464
Points : 5952
Reputation : 43
Join date : 2010-04-18

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:59 pm

Hahaha, I was expecting some massive nerd rage hipster anger at Microsoft, but this was hilarious. I liked especially the vivid imagery.
Back to top Go down
RoninHo'in
Paranoid Vet
Paranoid Vet
avatar

Posts : 8156
Points : 8616
Reputation : 47
Join date : 2010-03-22
Age : 36
Location : Cali baby

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:07 pm

Nothing surprising really... expected a buncha shit and they didn't dissapoint.

Can't wait 4 mah PC.... fuck consoles. Had a nice run of 5 yrs for me but I'm ready for real gaming again.


_________________
Back to top Go down
Skreshavik
Mordekaiser
avatar

Posts : 5996
Points : 6333
Reputation : 55
Join date : 2010-04-30
Age : 27
Location : California/Oregon

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:07 pm

Well PC > whatever they showcased.


_________________
gut wrote:
Skresh is a 20 year old african american homosexual furfag, but hes ALSO... NARNFORNIA, a level 82 nig-elf afro-magician orc slayer in world of warcraft.
Back to top Go down
Skreshavik
Mordekaiser
avatar

Posts : 5996
Points : 6333
Reputation : 55
Join date : 2010-04-30
Age : 27
Location : California/Oregon

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:08 pm

Fuck, Ronin. This is the second time you beat me saying the same thing within a minute.

_________________
gut wrote:
Skresh is a 20 year old african american homosexual furfag, but hes ALSO... NARNFORNIA, a level 82 nig-elf afro-magician orc slayer in world of warcraft.
Back to top Go down
DTECH
Master of Facts, Factual Evidence, and Facts
avatar

Posts : 4541
Points : 4745
Reputation : -115
Join date : 2010-03-19
Location : Here

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:07 pm

tldr was very well done, excellent job there young chap

Ill never get the whole motion based gaming thingy... its a fucking retarded idea, well until it reaches the level of a Star trek holodeck that is, until then its pure retarded fuckery

Fuck all the cool ideas/implementations using Kinect have sweet fuck all to do with gaming...
Back to top Go down
CptnShotgun
Eezo junkie
avatar

Posts : 2381
Points : 2486
Reputation : 7
Join date : 2010-03-19
Location : Cyborg Docking Station 4

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:46 pm



Announcing DLC in the announcement of the game. Ubisoft, you classy motherfuckers.
Back to top Go down
spacefox
Blatant Cocksucker


Posts : 4915
Points : 5512
Reputation : -9
Join date : 2010-03-19
Age : 23
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:44 pm

Awesome summary. 10/10 would read again.

_________________
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?   

Back to top Go down
 
Why the fuck do Microsoft still exist?
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Microsoft Shows Off Futuristic Transparent 3D Desktop
» Forza 4 VIP Membership is now up for sale by Microsoft at XBOX Game Store
» Totally fed up with Microsoft[Rant]
» "Step-by-Step Guide to Building Routes for Microsoft Train Simulator (v3) by Michael Vone"
» Microsoft Account Problems

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Gametanamo Gaming Community :: Games :: Gaming-
Jump to: